Sunday, March 27, 2011
Life As I Know It....At Least Right Now
This may just be one of those "venting" posts that I occasionally put on here so please do not read on if you don't want to listen to the pitty train. Ha Ha In January I went to the doctor only to tell her that I have HORRIBLE menstrual cycles. The pain is literally indescribable {to much info for some of you and I'm apologizing now}. I lay in bed for days on end and drug myself on Tylenol just to feel somewhat ok. So the doc sends me for an ultrasound. What do they see? Lovely cysts on my ovaries. Common for women so I wasn't to worried. The doc said they would probably go away in about 4-6 weeks so no big deal. I go back for another ultrasound and this time they find that one cyst did shrink and the other one is two times the size it was in the beginning. She also said she thinks I have Endometriosis. Still...no big deal to me. I'm thinking in & out procedure. I'll feel better in no time. Ha think again....the doc tells me that she's more than likely going to have to cut my cysts out because they are not fluid filled. They are instead filled with blood & possible tumor cysts and won't be going away anytime soon. She also said this can cause infertility {which doesn't worry me this second but may in the future}. So the doc thinks surgery is the best option and tells me that I will be in the hospital for 2-4 days with a 6 week recovery......really??? I don't like work anyway. :) Just teasing...... I just met with the doctor again for my pre-opt appointment {where she tells me what to expect from surgery}. That didn't go as planned. She told me that if I get this procedure done I will have to start trying to have a family immediately after my surgery and then even if I do get pregnant I can't wait to long after having that baby to have another one etc....Apparently there are different types of Endometriosis & mine looks like the "bad" one which also means I will eventually have to have a hysterectomy and not be able to have anymore children. Whooooaaaa slow down. I didn't think my pain was this big of a deal. And to have someone tell you that you have to start trying to have children if you want a family is a little upsetting considering...I don't know what I want right now. I want to go back to school, I want to start my own business, I'm still not "ready" for that family. At least I don't think so It scares me to be a Mom. I love, love, love babies but me as a Mom?? I don't know about that....Not to mention child birth terrifies me. I'm kind of angry right now and I don't show it because I realize that this only minor but to me it's major. I know people who have worse things {medical wise} going on in their lives and I feel for them everyday but I'm kind of angry that I seem healthy and I try to stay healthy and eat right and workout etc...and now if I don't try to have children then eventually I just can't. I'm the lucky one I guess. It's more than frustrating to know people that can get pregnant so easily and I'm the one being forced into a decision that I don't even know what to think about right now. So for now I'll just be angry and hope that someone will bring me my newest addiction when I'm in recovery. Life Saver Gummies. :)
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3 comments:
Oh Courtney... I am so sorry to hear this. I don't know how much you know about our situation, but I can relate very much to what you must be going through. I would be more than happy to talk to you if you ever want and/or need it.
Having my fertility choices taken from me was one of the hardest things I ever went through, and there were SO many times that I wished someone could just tell me what to do because I had no idea what that was myself. It can be so hard to know what the right thing to do is, and I am sorry that you are going through that.
Some advice I have for you... You need to take care of your health first. You need to be as healthy as you can for you, your family, and any future children you may have. And you don't need to live in pain every day - I know... this was a foreign concept to me too.
And if you aren't ready for children right now, don't force yourself to be or allow someone else to tell you that you should be. If you are meant to have children, God will lead you to each other when the time is right. Keep your heart and your mind open and know that if it is meant to be, it is meant to be. For me it was through adoption, and I am not trying to encourage you to take that route, unless it is the right one for you, but rather just trying to encourage you to stay open to whatever might be in store for you. Whether that is through a baby now, fertility treatments later, or adoption, just explore all your options and keep your heart open.
I didn't become a mother at the time I wanted to, or in the way that I thought I would, but looking back now, I know that this is how it was supposed to happen and I wouldn't change any of it. I am a much better person for having gone through all of this.
Also, having just gone through major surgery and a long recovery, I would love to help you in any way I can. I had a lot of help during my recovery and I don't know what I would have done without it. Even if it is just bringing in food and gummy Life Savers, please let me help!! It is hard to ask for help sometimes, but you will need it, so please ask!!
If you are anything like me, this issue will never be far from your thoughts, and perhaps the more you think about it, the more clear the answers will become. Keep an open mind and follow your heart...the rest will work out eventually. Best of luck to you Courtney and please let me help in anyway I can!!!
Shelly
So sorry to hear this, and yes we all have to go through trials in our life that are so hard to figure out what is best to do. Follow your heart and do what you want to do. Good Luck!
Shelly-Your to sweet. Your advice brought tears to my eyes. Your Mom always tells me to e-mail you because really I'm just overwhelmed with information right now....I don't know whats right or wrong. But thank you, thank you for your kind words. I'm hoping for the best and hoping this road won't be as rough as I'm seeing it now. :) My gut instinct tells me this is just the beginning though and the pain I've been in tells me that I have to have this surgery and just hope it doesn't cause complete infertility and all that other stuff. But really thank you soooo much for your kind words. It made my day and I appreciate your offer to help. Depending on recovery time I might just have you and little Ian come visit me when I come home. That little man can put a smile on anybody's face that's for sure. :)
Carly-Thanks girl. Your family is adorable. Hope all is well.
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