Yesterday I had shot #4 of Lupron. I'm so close to being done but I'm so over the whole process already. It's emotionally draining and it doesn't help that it's been in the 40's outside. I'm a home body when it's freezing and I like to stay indoors. I NEED the sunshine. I had a lovely chat with my doctor the other day. We had Jake checked out to make sure everything was ok with him and it is...to a certain point I guess. That was part of this lovely Endometriosis process so that someday I can get prego. I won't go into detail in my blog but basically my doctor told me I need to start checking into infertility doctors because I probably won't ever be able to get pregnant unless I do IVF. Even then she's not sure it will ever happen. Such a positive conversation I had with her....NOT! I still don't understand why this is one struggle after another. Am I being punished for not wanting kids when I turned 19? I'm 25 and will be 26 in six months. Am I to late for kids or what? I can't figure it out. Everything you hope for your future can come crashing down in an instant and I'm not sure how to deal with feelings like this.....
I hate being the debbie downer but I'm pretty frustrated and sad. That's how I would explain this whole process....sadness. My doctor made a point of saying that I am being proactive and trying to better myself by taking these shots but remind me again how I am suppose to afford to have one child if I have to do IVF, let alone 2 or 3 like I had hoped? It doesn't make sense to me. What a crazy roller coaster this has been. It doesn't sound like it will be getting any better anytime soon. For those Mom's who have no infertility issues and can get pregnant at the drop of a hat....well I envy you. Don't ever take that for granted. You are LUCKY!!! Not that I'm not. I'm blessed in life. I have an amazing life but this up/down stuff is really getting to me lately.
So that's where I'm at in life right now. I don't talk about this issue much because I'm pretty sure nobody likes to hear me gripe and I hate being the complainer in the group but it is what it is. I can't change it, or maybe I can and I just don't know that yet but the waiting game and the unknown SUCKS. What a week....what a freakin week....
3 comments:
Oh Courtney...so sorry!! I can remember those feelings very well, and I so wish there was some way to keep you from feeling them too!!
I hope that things will become more clear for you and you will understand what you need to do. (The not knowing was SO hard for me!!)
On a little side note, I know that you love to travel, and I found a website www.ivfvacation.com about both traveling and inexpensive IVF options. Just something to think about=)
Good luck with the Lupron and again, I hope things improve for you. As always, I am here if you ever need to talk. Best wishes!!
Shelly
Thanks so much Shelly. How funny that you wrote me on here. I was just thinking of you today and thinking I should e-mail you because you probably know a lot more than I know right now...Thank you for the website. I will check that out. I'm going to e-mail you because I have a couple questions. Thank you again. I'm blessed to know people like you.
Courtney, I am so sorry you have to deal with this, it just seems not fair. I have a couple of friends that have had the same problem. I hope you can figure out what options are best for your family.
Post a Comment