Conversations with my husband.....

Conversation with my hubby-
Me: Oh well, I’m sorry if I’m not happy & cheerful right now. Sometimes I just want to be mad and today I want to run away and not come back.

Jake: Well guess what? I want to run away too….

Me: Fine then. Run away.

Jake: What? That was really rude. Why do you want me to run away?

Me: You said you wanted to. So just do it. If you run away then I’m going to buy myself a Camaro and not ever even worry about having babies ever again {like a Camaro will make me happy for life right?}

Jake: Your weird…..

Then we didn’t talk for the duration he took a shower. After he showered, he found me doing laundry and came over to me with a big huge hug and said, “I love you even when you’re having bad days. You’re still beautiful even when you’re angry and if you run away then I’ll run away with you but I don’t think we should buy a Camaro right now.” Ahhhh sooo corny but I love this marriage of mine and that handsome guy I married & even on days like this when I’m mad at the world. He’s seriously the sweetest man ever and lately these are the conversations I feel like having. I’m angry at life, he’s angry at life for making me angry and upset he can’t change our life right now & then we kiss and make-up and it’s all over. He’s awesome! I don’t know many other men that would put up with me and my crazy emotions right now but Jake sure does and doesn’t complain. I’m so blessed and feel so lucky that he’s MINE!

It seems with this infertility stuff we take 2 steps forward and then 6 steps backwards. I don’t think I’ve ever gone through anything more frustrating. I mean, as much as I LOVE throwing hundreds of dollars around on a weekly basis and being poked and prodded weekly and then being told, “Oh, nope we can’t do anything for you this week. You have a giant cyst that is lingering around in there. Sorry. Take some more medicine and come back next month and spend some more money and we will see what we can do,”……. yes, it is getting old.

Life could be SO much worse I get that so I try really hard to stay positive and keep an open mind but holy cow {such a Utah saying}….will I ever have some good luck in the reproductive area?? Those giant cysts that linger around NEVER go away it seems. They were there before surgery, they were there after surgery, they were there after 6 whole months of this crazy potent drug I had to inject into my body and they are still there a year later. I hate them! It wouldn’t be so bad if the doctor hadn’t told me, “You either get prego or have a hysterectomy because the Endometriosis isn’t going to get better.” My options are limited at this point. I envy all you women who can pop out kids like it’s nothing. :)

So this is our life. This is what we are dealing with right now. Babies, babies, babies…always the topic of conversation lately. It’s emotionally and physically draining beyond belief. My brain hurts from the loads of info we get and the researching and the medicine and everything that goes into this process. Our life is pure chaos at the moment and as much as I love life, I could have gone a lifetime without going through this mess. It’s NOT fun. But here we are and we are dealing in the best way we know how. I’m grateful for my amazing husband. It definitely takes a very special person to stick by his wife’s side no matter what {even when it’s HER body causing the daily stress in their lives}. Here’s to more poking and prodding and hopefully we can catch a break sometime in the near future…..